


Those moments afterwards

by Morathi_Cain



Series: What is it about those engineering boys? [12]
Category: My Engineer (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Insecurity, M/M, Talking, post ep 14, self doubt, some smut, the boys deserve all the love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:00:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24523480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morathi_Cain/pseuds/Morathi_Cain
Summary: Ram confessed to not being drunk that night and now King is on his way back to their condo. Their home. He remembers, he fears and he hopes. For once in a long time, there's actually hope for his love. For their love.King's POV
Relationships: King/Ram (My Engineer)
Series: What is it about those engineering boys? [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1708738
Comments: 24
Kudos: 334





	Those moments afterwards

**Author's Note:**

> After the finale, I needed to write this moment between them <3  
> Just an idea of how the talk could go.  
> I hope you have fun! ^^

Those moments afterwards

To know for sure, Ram would be at their condo when he came home, waiting for him, made King feel too many emotions at once.

Images of the night before rushed through his mind, the feeling of Ram’s lips on his own, those fingers at his neck, sending shivers down his back. It made him yearn to feel this again. To go back in time and relive the moment over and over, without any interruption, until they fell asleep, cuddled together as they’d done in his dreams thousands of times. As he hadn’t dared to dream and think about when wide awake.

‘I wasn’t drunk that night’

Ram’s message came back into his mind, the implication of it too overwhelming for King to fully grasp. 

If Ram had been sober, he remembered, didn’t he? But why had he said otherwise then? Why had he ...

King replayed the moment of him asking Ram if he remembered. And no, Ram hadn’t been the one to deny it. Not vocally at least. King had done it, in another moment of panic. Which he’d had quite often lately, didn’t he?

King huffed, leaning his head back against the headrest. Ram had simply gone with whatever King had said, obviously waiting for his reaction, hadn’t he? And King, like a fool, had chosen the way out, not sure how to handle anything at all. Well, now it seemed obvious, but it hadn’t back then. 

Nothing had been obvious to him, to be honest. And he still had a hard time wrapping his head around everything which had happened.

Why had Ram kissed him back?

Why wouldn’t Ram leave him alone?

King still didn’t know the answer to those questions, but he couldn’t deny what had happened the night before. Ram had kissed him back. He hadn’t gone away, not even after hearing why King was so desperate to keep his distance.

So, in conclusion, his feelings weren’t overwhelming and disgusting to Ram, were they? He hadn’t been completely surprised by them, hadn’t pushed King away directly. 

No, he definitely didn’t ... another shiver ran down King’s back. He could swear the pressure of Ram’s fingers was still there as he had cupped his face, keeping him in place, keeping him steady. Kissing him a second time instead of letting himself be kissed.

The desperation of pulling Ram close came back, even though Ram wasn’t with him now. As if Ram was a drug he’d tried once just to be hooked instantly.

No, King reminded himself. He hadn’t been hooked instantly and it hadn’t just happened last night. It had happened weeks ago, slowly, and he was in too deep to get out of it. Much like a fly, who’d flown into a Venus flytrap. And now, knowing the real sweetness of being so close to Ram, of kissing him, of sleeping in his arms, made him want more. More of this feeling he had inside, more of Ram.

King took a sharp breath, pulling himself back into reality. 

He was still on his way back to the condo after visiting his grandmother. 

He still didn’t know what Ram thought about the kiss, what he felt for King. Why he’d only told King over text about him being sober the night before. Why ...

Had this kiss been out of pity?

This time the shiver running down his spine was cold and uncomfortable instead of exciting.

Had Ram kissed him because he’d wanted to try how it was?

The thought alone almost made King sick and he was happy the driver was a quiet man, who only watched the road.

It couldn’t be, could it? He hadn’t imagined the passion, the desperation of Ram. He hadn’t imagined the gentle way Ram had cradled his face, had pulled him into his arms when they fell asleep. He hadn’t imagined Ram’s broken eyes just before. The way he’d come back again and again, too stubborn to let King push him away.

There wasn’t a way he could have done it out of pity, could he? Or because he’d been curious? Not after King had laid his soul bare.

King took a deep breath and tried to relax his muscles, stop the grinding of his teeth. He would be more than nervous in a short time, meeting Ram again and he didn’t need to make it even worse than it already was.

But the questions stayed and King kept wondering ...

~~~

Realising he’d fallen in love with Ram had been a joy first, followed by instant pain. 

Because there was no hope, really. His mind was telling him how impossible it was for a guy like Ram to fall for him. How lucky he already was for him to trust him as much as he did. How he shouldn’t expect more, because it would put pressure and strain on their relationship and chasing Ram away, in the end.

He got pretty good at ignoring his feelings and enjoying the contact they had. Of course, it had gotten harder when Ram had moved in, but he’d get it under control, he promised himself.

Instead, it had gotten worse. Crushing on Ram had become painful, despite the giddiness, the happiness.

The worst pain usually came in one of two moments.

Either he was suddenly overthinking, wondering what Ram was thinking, why he was talking more to someone else, smiling at someone else, if he was annoyed or confused by King, if he already knew King’s feelings and tried to keep his distance. It would be a spiral downwards to a dark place and he’d start wishing he’d never developed those feelings, had never started liking Ram, the weight of his crush weighing on his shoulders, making him want to disappear, to let it all go. At the same time, his heart was aching for Ram, for one look, one sign of him while his mind was telling him again and again how impossible it was. How stupid it was someone as beautiful and precious as Ram could fall in love with him. How there should be a big sign if he would feel the same, shouldn’t there?

Then there were those sudden moments of Ram saying or doing something, which made all of King’s body and mind instantly screaming “I love him” with such a force, it was almost impossible to hold himself back. To not instantly jump Ram, to not kiss him senseless and ramble all those 4658 love confessions at him, he’d thought of.

King knew he’d overwhelm Ram and it would most probably be unwelcome and a betrayal of Ram’s trust. Something he hadn’t signed up for, most definitely. 

It hurt to know all of this. To feel this deep affection, this overbearing happiness in every fibre of his heart, those urges and wishes and dreams and still be sure of their hopelessness.

There was no hope and even if his heart and mind managed to find a spark in the way Ram looked at him and talked to him, it got crushed by himself. A constant circle of pain which wasn’t able to erase the happiness he felt around Ram despite all efforts.

King wished for something, anything, to change the state he was in, the worries and fears, the insecurity. But at the same time, he was afraid what exactly would change and he couldn’t bear the thought of Ram walking away, of losing him. Maybe it would even be better if he did it himself, cutting himself off before it would get too much, too painful. Before he managed to chase Ram away with his own feelings, with being too much.

It was, after all, always safer to crush your own hopes, instead of getting them crushed by someone else. Instead of seeing the repulsion, the disgust, the rejection in Ram’s eyes.

King hated himself for every thought he had.

~~~

Standing in front of their condo, King realised he was hesitating. As soon as he’d walk inside, Ram would be there. He was happy about it, wanted Ram to be with him. But he was also afraid because for once he had no idea how this would play out. What he should expect.

Their condo. 

After everything that had happened at the camp, the thought of it being their home, not his alone, carried a new meaning. One with so much potential, it almost made him choke with feelings.

Ram might not be living here for long and it might have started as a way for him to get out of the situation at home, but somehow it had become their condo, their home. With the kiss happening between them, combined with King’s love confession everything had changed. They weren’t simple roommates anymore, were they?

But what if Ram didn’t have the same feelings? What would happen with their home? Their little world and bubble? Would it burst and burn or would they be able to build it back up? To live with such different emotions and dreams?

King remembered his own words. The antagonising pain he’d felt for some time, the pressure on his chest whenever Ram had been close or soft and trusting, not knowing King was harbouring different feelings. Whenever King had had to hold himself back not to reach out and brush Ram’s skin, pull him close and finally know what those beautiful lips taste like. Or how the tattoo would feel under his mouth, how Ram would feel under him, above him, around him. 

But in the end, having Ram with him was all that mattered, didn’t it? Pushing him away hadn’t made King happier in any way but had only highlighted his loneliness whenever Ram wasn’t with him. No matter how much he wished he could be his usual self again when he was alone, he himself had changed and Ram was now a key part of his life. One he would miss when he’d push him away. One which made his heart ache in all the possible ways. 

So he’d learn to live with those feelings even if Ram didn’t have the same for him.

King took a tentative step towards the door. Then another. He grabbed the handle and with a deep inhale of air, he pulled the door open. Just to reveal Ram.

Ram, who was in the middle of reaching for the door himself, surprised by the sudden movement and kind of frozen to the spot.

“Oh”, King let out, his little bit of bravery vanishing almost instantly as he looked at Ram.

He’d apparently showered, his hair was fluffy and down as he stood there in an old shirt and soft pants. His complexion was heightened as if he had been nervous as well. As if he’d waited for King to come back, his heart and his mind in a whirlwind as well. The thought of Ram being as nervous as he was, maybe even as insecure, did inexplicable things to King’s heart and he felt out of breath as if he’d run a marathon. 

“Hey”, he started again, just to break the staring. Ram nodded, looking away as he blushed even more and stepped back to let King in.

“I wondered ...”, Ram started but stopped and didn’t continue even when King waited.

“You saw the car?”, King asked after he had pulled off his shoes.

Ram nodded.

“Sorry”, managing a crooked smile, King decided to be honest and brave, “I was nervous.”

Suddenly Ram was close again. So much closer than was good for King’s heart by any measure. His gaze was earnest but shy and he held up his hand, the open palm facing upwards.

For a second, King wondered if he wanted the bag, but he had the distinct feeling that wasn’t what this was about, at all. And so, after another few seconds of hesitation on his part and endless patience on Ram’s part, he put his own hand on top, the warmth instantly engulfing it as Ram closed his fingers, holding him tightly.

“Me too”, he whispered before pulling a stunned King into the living room.

~~~

One look around his apartment and King knew instantly Ram had taken care of his plants and the cleaning of the flat. Their flat. He’d aired it and there was not even a speck of dust to be seen. Tea and water were already on the low table and the book on the sofa indicated Ram had been reading and waiting. For him. For their talk.

It made King giddy and hopeful. For once, looking down at their joint hands, the hope didn’t get crushed instantly, but instead, it grew.

Right before the sofa, Ram stopped and turned, frowning. His gaze travelled between King, his bag and the bathroom, seemingly undecided.

“You want to know if I’d like to wash up?”

Ram nodded, biting his bottom lip.

King looked away to concentrate on the question, trying to ignore the hot shiver running down his back. Maybe a cold shower wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe a cold shower was exactly what he needed before they talked and so he could hold himself back this time. At least until he’d get an ‘Okay’ to continue what they had started.

“Yes, yes, I think I want to do that.”

Ram frowned at him again and it was almost funny how King had a clear idea of what he wanted to say, but Ram’s feelings for him had forever been a blind spot.

“We will talk, I promise.”

The frown disappeared a little and Ram let go of his hand, making King instantly regretting his words. He should have stayed, unwashed, his hand still hold by Ram. But now he’d decided otherwise and they could always continue the hand holding. King desperately hoped they would.

~~~

Showering had been a good idea.

King felt calmer and cleaner and the glance over Ram gave him when he stepped back into the living room sent shivers down his back. The good kind. 

He didn’t dare to believe it was real, yet. He didn’t dare to hope it was more than a fleeting attraction or some curiosity for Ram, yet. But he couldn’t deny something being there any longer.

Sitting down next to Ram, he stared at the hand which had held him earlier. The hand which had grounded him somehow as well as it had made him nervous.

He wished he could simply take it, but it wouldn’t be so easy. They needed to talk and he needed to apologise for what he’d said first.

“So”, he started as Ram had turned towards him, “You weren’t drunk?”

Ram shook his head, his eyes not leaving King despite his obvious shyness settling in.

“And you remember everything?”

This time it was a nod, as clear and loud as a nod could be.

King swallowed.

“I am sorry.”

Ram’s brows furrowed and something akin to worry appeared in his face.

“I shouldn’t have pushed you away and I shouldn’t have shouted at you.”

King swallowed again. The worry seemed to lighten.

“I especially shouldn’t have kissed you”, the frown came back, “At least not without asking first.”

Letting out a deep sigh, Ram shuffled a bit closer, eying King’s hands as if he also thought about grabbing them again.

Finally, he looked up and suddenly the distance between them seemed so short.

“I liked it.”

King stared at Ram with an open mouth.

“You ... you liked the kiss?”

Another nod, rather energetic and more shuffling happened. Could King dare to approach him as well?

“Did you like just the kiss?”

It was a possibility after all, wasn’t it? King needed to know because he wouldn’t be able to endure getting his hopes up and crushed in mere seconds.

A raised eyebrow showed him how Ram thought about it, but he didn’t tease or laugh, simply leaned forward, his eyes still locked with King’s.

“I liked everything.”

The grabbing of Ram’s hand happened more out of instinct, as well as the shaky breath, King let out as he felt the familiar fingers holding onto his own. Tightly.

“I meant it”, he said, feeling the blush heating up his face and neck, “Not the part about you going away, though. That was pure desperation. But I like you. You make me feel so good and happy and I want to keep you by my side and hold your hand and kiss you. All the time. But I never dared to believe you would want it, too.”

Now, at least, they were equal as Ram blushed as well, a happy and soft smile brightening his whole face. He obviously struggled for words and King wondered how to let him speak, how to allow him to speak what was on his mind when Ram lifted their joint hands and placed a kiss on them. And it wasn’t tender, but firm, full of strong feelings and desperation. Desperation, which reminded King of their kiss the night before. Desperation, which squeezed his heart, because he knew what it meant. What Ram told him.

When Ram looked up and locked their eyes once more, heat shot through King’s body, leaving him out of breath and with a tingling sensation in his fingertips.

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

The smile and nod were shy but happy and unambiguous.

Giddy happiness which he hadn’t allowed himself to feel came in a rush, leaving him grinning like an idiot, he was sure. To imagine a beautiful and amazing person like Ram would want to be his boyfriend. But it was real. This was reality.

“Can I kiss you?”

This time the answer was an eye-roll and a hand grabbing his neck and pulling him towards Ram, their lips clashing in some kind of switched replay from the night before.

Except for this time King wasn’t drunk.

Except for this time they were both smiling into this mess of a kiss.

Except for this time, King knew Ram wanted the same, felt the same desperation.

Except for this time, they wouldn’t be stopped by an uncomfortable tent or crushing self-doubts.

This time King was kissing his boyfriend and he’d enjoy every damn second of it.

~~~

Desperation turned into tenderness with King cupping Ram’s chin with his hands, leaving feather-like kisses all over his face, and it turned to desperation again, their kisses slow and needy, their hands fumbling and grabbing, running through hair, pulling and pushing.

“Since when?”, Ram whispered urgently between breathless kisses, his body a delicious weight on top of King.

Only when Ram started kissing his throat, one hand still keeping King’s head in place, twirling his hair, did he manage to answer: “Weeks.”

“When?”

By now Ram had arrived at his collarbone, biting it gently, making King gasp.

“The Umbrella?”

Ram stopped at looked up, his eyebrows raised.

“Don’t frown at me. It took some time until I knew what it was I was feeling, okay?”

“When?”

King wasn’t sure if he could survive more blushing or if his heart would simply stop at some point.

“The barbecue at my parent’s house?”

Now Ram was grinning and he lowered his head again to continue where he’d left off. But King wouldn’t take this. In one swift movement he turned the tables, kneeling on top of Ram now, who seemed surprised and a bit stunned. Only for a moment, though, before he pulled King’s head down, kissing his neck and throat once again. His hips bucked up against King’s, pressing a moan out of him as one hand pushed him down. 

The desperation of weeks of mutual pining really got to them, didn’t it?

“When did you ...?”, King managed before letting out another moan.

How Ram was able to say “First dinner” between kisses, without letting go of King, was beyond him, but the words weren’t lost on him.

“The first dinner you took me?!”

For a moment, Ram stopped moving so much, letting King go up enough to look at him and see him nod.

All those moments of Ram telling him the plant was important and he was the one he trusted, came back. Moments he’d thought had been innocent from Ram’s point of view. Moments which had driven him crazy.

  
“I’ve been quite blind for a long time, haven’t I?”

However Ram was able to shrug in such a position and look good doing it, was a wonder. King was just about to say ‘sorry’ once more when Ram pulled him in again.

“I like it.”

And this time, King dived right in, devouring Ram’s mouth with all his might, his fingers stroking every bit of skin he could reach, brushing through the softness which was Ram’s hair. 

And he finally, finally, dared to kiss Ram’s tattoo behind his ear. First softly, then more daring, to feel the skin, to sense Ram’s reaction, who was trembling by now, his head leaned to the side, giving King more access, his fingers holding onto his shoulders with all his strength. Ram’s hips were moving in the rhythm of his moans, his heartbeat racing under King’s lips.

For so long he’d dreamed to touch all of Ram’s tattoos with more than his fingers and his gaze, to explore and learn, to finally know how Ram felt under him, on top of him, around him. For so long he’d hated himself for dreaming, but now it was his reality.

Now he explored, pushing Ram’s clothes to the side and off of him, while getting his own shirt pulled off, his own body touched and kissed, marked with a passion unmatched. As if Ram with all his patience didn’t want to waste another moment, endure even another second without proofing their love, their longing to each other. And King enjoyed every bit.

It was a wonder they stayed on the sofa with the way they turned and moved, their limbs intertwined and inseparable, frantically in search of enough friction and the sweet, sweet promise of satisfaction, of fulfilling the urges which had been hidden deep inside of them for so long.

Sweat was dripping down their faces as they clung onto each other, alternating between kissing, biting and simply breathing. Ram was running his hands through King’s hair on repeat, whispering nonsensical sweetness, which King responded to with tender nothings as he continued to stare at Ram throughout everything, always in awe and his heart almost bursting.

Only when King came did he close them, burying his face in Ram’s neck. Ram’s neck, which would be his safe haven from now on, the place where his happiness would always lie.

He looked up when Ram was coming and he watched his boyfriend who couldn’t stop himself from kissing every bit of skin he could reach, whining in between, his legs hooked around King’s waist.

“I love you.”

As soon as Ram had calmed down enough to open his eyes again, King couldn’t hold himself back anymore. Stunning Ram, whose eyes widened.

“I love you”, he said once more, just to say it, to watch the reaction, to feel it. Just to finally stop holding himself back.

“I love you.”

Ram seemed confused.

“I love you”, King cupped Ram’s face again, holding him close enough to make him cross-eyed, “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

With a smile, Ram kissed him gently, but as soon as he stopped, King whispered again: “I love you and I’ll tell you for all the missed times during those last months. I love you.”

By now Ram was laughing softly, his expression fond and full of awe.

Their bodies were still intertwined, their skin sweaty and red and sticky, but King didn’t mind, having found his new, favourite definition of ‘home’.

It had Ram’s laughter in it.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Please let me know if you liked it ^^
> 
> If you wanna scream at me about them, pls feel free to do so: https://morathicain.tumblr.com/


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